The Alcohol Bardo – Between Detox and Sobriety

Sitting With Uncertainty

The Social Worker from the hospital called this afternoon – she wanted to tell me that she had been unsuccessful in her bid to have the doctor order a psychiatric assessment.

There was no medical reason for him to stay and he gave all the right answers about being on the right road this time and he was signed up for this day rehab center that’s supposed to start next Monday That’s not the first time I’ve heard this so maybe? And, it seems the fluttery addictions councilor is a person My Guy knows. He met him last September at the start of our current ‘world of drama’ chapter.

So as far as I know he’s home.

I also am disappointed, but certain his partner is using again. Alcohol is not her drug of choice though, so I guess that’s a plus? I really need to get some narcan from the pharmacy just in case.

I am trying to put positive energy into the universe that this is the moment that they both get back to having the will to get serious about getting sober and find a way to support each other through it so they can get on with living their lives.

I can hang out in that hope. That my heart, my being, is trying to ‘manifest’ the right sequence of events that could lead to that hopeful scenario. I know I have no control, over any thing but myself but we all influence each other every day in our choices and the way we move around this existence. What else am I going to do? I just need to not be doing so much of it.

The social worker walked the fine line between hopeful and real with great agility. As my friend noted, they all, nurses, and social worker, met me where I was. I reiterated to her how grateful I was for all of them. I just felt their energy was in sync with what he needed. I know some people will think I sound ridiculous but I swear they randomly came together at the ideal time. Maybe as much for me as for him.

But I don’t know what he’s thinking or how he’s feeling. I haven’t heard from him since I left the hospital. I texted and called automated voicemail and no response to the texts but I had been checking the hospital anyway. I knew right up until this morning that he was ok.

I’m going to try and forget about it for a couple of hours with something distracting on t.v., I can go back to the grief and trying to reset, tomorrow

When he’s in the hospital, he’s safe. Safer than he is out in the world.